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Friday, April 30th, 2010
2:32 pm - Writer's Block: Young and driven
I live in the US & the current drinking age is 21. As for if I think it should be raised or lowered, it doesn't matter. Age does not reflect the maturity of the individual & their ability to make rational dicisions.

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Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
1:05 am - this made me laugh
Alright dreamwriter, I had to take your quiz...

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.
Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.
Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.
You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

In love, you hold high standards... for yourself, for your relationship, and for your significant other.
While it's easy for you to impress others, it's hard for you to find someone who impresses you.

At work, you are organized and good at delegating. You understand how to achieve goals.
You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

How you see yourself: Rational, calm, and objective

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Inflexible, controlling, and overbearing

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
9:02 am - Tagged by Dreamwriter55
Six Things that Have Made Me Happy Recently

1. I get to see Hunter & Haley today! Haley will be Elmo & Hunter is going to be...wait for this...a skeleton tow truck driver! LOL

2. Spending part of the day with bakersdozen at the Plaza window shopping.

3. Having Haley tell Tracy that she wants to talk to me, and then calling to chat! She's so freaking adorable!

4. Becca & Ian came to visit Sunday & i got all caught up with everything going on with them. & Ian was SOOOOOOOO good! He's grown up to be a little man, awww!

5. Being able to lay in bed with Justin & watch tv.

6. Possibly having a full time job lined up. Still waiting to hear back.

current mood: excited

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Friday, October 26th, 2007
6:26 pm - looking for dream interpretations
This is what I dreamed - any clues what it means?

In this story, G refers to good guy , B refers to bad guy.

I was in the basement of my folks first home. There were 2 other people involved besides myself G & B. G and I had just won a contest, and B was trying to take our winnings. I had hidden half the stash in our old washing machine (you know, one of the first models of washing machines that were increadibly dangerous.) I had taken G into the shower room & instructed him to take the other 1/2 upstairs with our coats and sandpaper. I then informed him that after he got back, we would take the washing machine and push B into the big 3rd room. G left and while he was gone, B was taunting me. G came back much sooner then he should've (I had given him other instructions, but don't remember what they were) and as he was coming down the steps, G said that he changed his mind and that what we really needed to do was corner B and throw him into the big 3rd room. Of course, B was there, and heard my whole plan. Now the set up is that G is on the steps, B is in the middle, and I am right infront of the big 3rd room. B motions for G to come over by me, and as G is walking over I realize that we've lost. We've lost everything and that B doesn't deserve our winnings.

B makes a motion like, "bring it!" G stays off to the side, I dive for a broom that is next to B & he brings up his shot-gun (which he didn't have before i went for the broom). as I'm bringing the broom down, B gets off a shot. It hits me in the right side of my neck, putting a hole all the way through. I immediately grab my neck, blood is pouring down me, and I go "I need to go to the doctors." And then I say, "All I had was a broom."

Then, when I woke up, my neck was tender where the bullet "shot" me.

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Saturday, July 14th, 2007
11:17 am - I'm a dork
This morning I woke up and went downstairs (at justin's folks, I'm no where near lucky enough to have a 2 story apartment)and Justin was sitting and reading the paper and watching tv.

The movie he was watching was Sideways (and I'm sure hoping all of you have seen it because it's a really good movie.) Unfortuantely I find it very depressing, so I asked Justin to change the channel. So, since he was reading, he tossed me the remote. Guess what I ended up watching instead?

A documentary on The Plague on the History Channel. Yeah, how's that for irony?

current mood: dorky

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Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
10:53 am - How the car gods won
So, yesterday I wake up and I get my work out clothes on and I head out to my car, and it starts on the first try. It's like a miracle! Then off to work out I go, where I feel so rotten my trainer tells me to go take a shower and head to work cuz I can't do a damned thing. After my glorious shower (ahhh) I head out to my car, where it won't start. I sit in my car for 20 minutes waiting for the car gods to give my car the energy to start. Finally, it does, and off to McD's I go to get a morning large oj (cuz I'm sick) and an egg mcmuffin (cuz I'm hungry when I'm sick.) After this I head to work (really early mind you!) and go in and check my email and voice mail and realize that I'm not that important cuz I have no messages, and head back out to my car to start it (since I have clients) And the car gods looked down from their mighty loft and laughed as I attmpted to start my Buick.

So, there it sat, all day, not starting. It didn't start at 8am, it didn't start at 820am, it didn't start at 330pm. So, I called my husband and asked him to pick me up (since I'd need his truck the next day.)

And, on the way home, I called Justin's folks, and told them we'd take the Intrepid, and if we could, could we please meet tomorrow to get the car from them - since my car is sitting and not starting infront of my work.

So, the car gods won. I have given up on my buick, and have moved onto an intrepid that's 5 years newer and almost 150,000 miles less (my car just flipped over to 227000) I suppose I win really, since now I'll have a more dependable car...but now my student loan won't get paid off until the end of the year instead of april. I suppose that's not SUCH a bad thing, it'll still get paid off, and I'll still get a new car.

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Thursday, November 30th, 2006
9:24 am - Some days it is better to take the bull by the horns
We are having a HUGE snow storm coming today. Yesterday we had a HUGE slush/ice storm come through. Jealous, aren't you? Anyway, I left work yesterday at 2:30 because of the poor weather that was coming. This morning I get up, dress, and head out to my car to head to work. There is no ice on my ground. there is no slush on my street. I get to my car, and all my doors are frozen shut. Locks won't turn - people who park outside know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes later I am finally able to open my passenger side door and enter my vehicle. I turn my front and rear defrost on and head about bringing my 3 bags of crap into my car (blankets, books, cross-word puzzles, food, bag full of clothes) all in the off chance that I will either a.) be in the ditch somewhere or b.) spending the night somewhere besides home. I shove everything into my passager seat since I can't open any of the other doors, scrap off part of my windshield, crawl over my 3 bags and head to work.

An hour later I arrive at work. However, my windshield is still covered in ice where I had not scrapped it. My fingers are freezing and I'm all pissy because my driver side door still does not open because the temperature in the car is only slightly higher then the temperature outside. I call Justin and bitch about how fucking cold my car is and how I find it unfair that I have to drive 2 hours daily in a vehicle that will not heat up properly and he only has to drive across town in his nice and toasty vehicle. I then mention how I had bitched about the same thing last year and when the hell was he going to fix my car. He said he didn't remember me complaining about not having heat - but trust me, I don't keep my bitching in..lol

Anyway, let's just say I'm pissed and I don't think it will get any better as the day goes since I know I have to head home into worse weather and MY FUCKING HEATER DOESNT WORK!!!!

current mood: pissed off

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Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
2:54 pm - Stupid accidents
On Wednesday last week I have a good day at work and head down to Justin's folks. I felt a little chilled cuz I seem to always feel that way and Bette was baking when Justin and I arrived there. After bringing in our tubs of laundry (2 weeks worth, ugh!) I go in and chat with Bette. I'm standing next to the stove and was thinking how nice and warm it was right there and scooted back just a little bit more....and I burnt the back of my right leg. I quickly thought "Ow!" and jumped away from the stove. I then reached down and rubbed my leg. Later that night it starts to ache and Justin and I put some aloe on it and head to bed. The following morning I shower and as I'm shaving my leg I feel the weirdest thing where I had burnt myself the day before. After the shower I go and check it out; and, as I expected...I had these prefectly shaped little diamonds on the back of my leg where the stove had burned me around my fish net stockings.

current mood: calm

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Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
6:25 pm - Another update of my life...well, somewhat ~ mostly me putting my thoughts down...wait, that's scary
I'm feeling long winded, so be prepared. Grab the cookies, the kleenexs, umm, one of those pee in thingys - what were they called? They were like tiny pots - oh, and something liquid (I'd suggest a nice sweet wine...or water. Whatever.)

So, my life. Geez, there's not much really to say about it, I'm busy all the time it seems. I go to work from 8 to 5:30 M-Th (I'll call this my profitable but unappealing position.) Then on the weekends, if I can, I head up to Tracy's so we can work on our business of cards (I'll call this my broke but newly emerging CEO spot.) Which is going pretty good. We've had a couple of orders - but I honestly don't see me making ANY money out of this until we're on the web, or atleast have some sort of a fan-base, or until Tracy realizes the value of our products (currently they range from 2 to $4 a card.) But that's how it goes ~ damn that's how it goes!

I haven't really gotten to spend a lot of time with Justin because of B&W Card Company. It seems like every weekend I'm working on some aspect of the thing - research, marketing ideas, production, etc - that I really only have 1 night of the week (if I'm lucky) to spend with him. So far he's been really really supportive of me and my ambitions (he really is one of the best guys ever, even if I do tend to bitch about him a lot on here.) He understands that I am doing everything that I can to spend time with him, but also to put time and effort into making B&W successful.

Justin still hasn't found a job in Kansas City. I think it's because he's not sure of what he wants to do. I have suggested he go to school and multiple other things, but it feels as though we are in a hold pattern ~ and ALL of you know how I react when a hold pattern is held too long...

So, I'm looking into going to college again. LOL Yep, something HAS to change, and starting B&W isn't enough evidentually (use the damn word, don't tell me it's not a real word, I know it isn't! However, if everyone uses it, it becomes a word.) So, I've requested information from UMKC about their Business Administration degree. This is sort of a double angle that I'm working on. I figure I can use it for B&W, or I can use it for trying to get into the business world. I do realize that generally companies only need to see that you have a degree, but I feel like I need to justify my knowledge.

I'm feeling pretty frazzled by work too. Having this double position is starting to become tougher. With the grant that I currently work on I have to make sure that the students all have atleast 6th grade levels and so I have been testing students in our programs - none of them are passing the test. Which isn't so grea, but so long as I document that I am attempting to reach my goals it does not reflect negatively back on me. However, it recently came to light that the person I was coordinating with no longer is working with the in-school students and is going to be farming out the clients she would normally get to us (the contractors.) So, that means that there will certainly be more work for me to do - testing, gathering information, convincing families I need certain documentation. Then on top of that it has come down from the higher ups that our case loads are not high enough (I may have mentioned this part before) and has demanded that all the part time workers (me) have 10 people on their case managers list. I currently have 12 - almost 13. This is because the higher ups informed me that because I would be receiving assistance with obtaining said information for my grant clients I would need to carry a load of 15 clients. Right now I am spending the majority of my week rushing from client to client for placement services (the majority of my case load are the time intensive clients - the ones where you have to do everything for them.) But I am managing, I think if I was back to working a 5 day week I wouldn't be managing this well - everything would be overwhelming and I'm pretty sure I'd have some sort of a breakdown.

But, since it's thanksgiving, let me mention some (aka, ending on a happy note)

I am thankful for:

My Justin ~ who would've thought someone would actually fit me?
My family (Justin's included) ~ people who love me (period)
My friends ~ the individuals who each remind me that I am me, and sometimes that's plenty
My co-workers ~ crazy disfunctional people who are a lot like me
My Rambo ~ even though she lives at Grandma's and Grandpa's always lays down to have her belly rubbed
My dreams and ambitions ~ they are the things that make me want to be more
Myself ~ because I am ultimately who I make me ~ and with me being this wonderful, I have to give credit somewhere! LOL

current mood: confused

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Thursday, November 9th, 2006
10:53 pm - The things you accept in a relationship that you swore you never would
1.) if the garbage needs to be taken out, just do it yourselves. they will walk around the bag blocking the doorway

2.) if there is rotten left overs in the fridge you know that you will be taken the stinky container out to the garbage sitting on the steps waiting to be taken out, and dump it in there.

3.) he squeezes from the front of the tube of toothpaste

4.) he refuses to go to wal-mart unless a.)you're dying b.)you've made him feel like shit so he's buying you something or c.)the end of the world really has come

5.) only you are the one who picks up the dirty dishes laying around the house (not laid there by you either) ~ I've actually stopped picking them up for my turn at dishes and make sure they are all in the kitchen for his

6.) the only time groceries are bought is when you realize that there is nothing in the house to eat but peanut butter from a spoon. and then he'll not want to go with you

7.) instead of cleaning the house together it is cleaned primarily by one individual, on their night off while the other is at work cuz it drives you nuts to be cleaning and he's watching tv

and finally

8.) the garbage is still on the DAMNED front steps and needs to be taken out before the garbage men come - stupid garbage!

Something for all of you to look forward to...ugh...lol

current mood: sleepy

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Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
9:52 am - Thank god I'm NOT pregnant
For all of you out there who has been reading my journal and it has continusouly been talking about migraines and tiredness, all breath a sigh of relief that I am not, at this time, producing any more people to populate the earth.

How did I come to this conclusion you may be wondering, let me share.

Yesterday morning I had the most awful time getting up and heading to the gym. It was finally 5:50 when I managed to crawl - literally - out of bed and make it to the gym for what remained of my workout time ~ 15 minutes.

Later on during the day I again contimplated the predicment I would be in if I was actually pregnant - being that all I wanted to do was sleep and avoid headaches. I managed a nap during the day, but it was drastically cut short with Tracy called 3 minutes into being asleep. We discussed what was going on this weekend and about Justin and his job and then we hung up.

After I finished my torture of just sitting in the office for hours with nothing to do, I forced myself to head to the gym for the remaining 15 minutes of my workout under the assumption that I would have more energy after this...mistaken thought.

Following this I went to Wal-Mart where I picked up a strawberry cake mix, some butternut frosting, Bettes' pictures, twix, and sugar free chocolate (for me, I was craving chocolate SO bad) and proceeded home.

Once home I started the cake - a co-workers birthday party is being held today - and after putting that in the oven finished defrosting the hamburger, started the noodles, and basically did the night things. After supper was done and we ate, I took out the cake ~ which was done at this point ~ and cleaned up the kitchen, packed my workout bag, packed my lunch, washed my face, and sat down to watch a few minutes of tv before heading to bed. Justin made some comment about me being grouchy (can't imagine why now, can you?) and I informed him that I felt taken advantage of because of all I do and he didn't help with supper and all last week I had cooked
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For all of you out there who has been reading my journal and it has continusouly been talking about migraines and tiredness, all breath a sigh of relief that I am not, at this time, producing any more people to populate the earth.

How did I come to this conclusion you may be wondering, let me share.

Yesterday morning I had the most awful time getting up and heading to the gym. It was finally 5:50 when I managed to crawl - literally - out of bed and make it to the gym for what remained of my workout time ~ 15 minutes.

Later on during the day I again contimplated the predicment I would be in if I was actually pregnant - being that all I wanted to do was sleep and avoid headaches. I managed a nap during the day, but it was drastically cut short with Tracy called 3 minutes into being asleep. We discussed what was going on this weekend and about Justin and his job and then we hung up.

After I finished my torture of just sitting in the office for hours with nothing to do, I forced myself to head to the gym for the remaining 15 minutes of my workout under the assumption that I would have more energy after this...mistaken thought.

Following this I went to Wal-Mart where I picked up a strawberry cake mix, some butternut frosting, Bettes' pictures, twix, and sugar free chocolate (for me, I was craving chocolate SO bad) and proceeded home.

Once home I started the cake - a co-workers birthday party is being held today - and after putting that in the oven finished defrosting the hamburger, started the noodles, and basically did the night things. After supper was done and we ate, I took out the cake ~ which was done at this point ~ and cleaned up the kitchen, packed my workout bag, packed my lunch, washed my face, and sat down to watch a few minutes of tv before heading to bed. Justin made some comment about me being grouchy (can't imagine why now, can you?) and I informed him that I felt taken advantage of because of all I do and he didn't help with supper and all last week I had cooked <as a side note, this doesn't have much to do with me not being pregnant, but this was my day yesterday> and he commented that he made supper yesterday and I informed him that I had tried to help, but by the time I got home he had everything ready. So, he stated that tomorrow we would make supper together.

At 9pm I kicked Justin out of bed and laid down to watch tv. At 9:40 a beeping sound came from what we will call a hallway - but that is too fancy of a word for the space that the thing was in. I walk out and say,

"I think that is our carbon monoxide detector."
"I think it's our fire alarm."
"No, I think it's the carbon monoxide detector, and I think we're supposed to call the cops."
"Don't call the cops."
"I think we are supposed to call someone. See, it says right here to call someone."
"Don't call anyone."
"What, do you want me to go to sleep?" And I called the police.

"Are you experiencing any flu symptoms?"
"No, but I've been really tired the last couple of weeks."
"Are the windows closed?"
"No, we just openned them."
"Close all of the windows and wait outside. I have just dispatched the fire department."

So, outside we go sitting on Justins' tailbed waiting for the fire deparment to show up. After 5 minutes they arrive, ask a few questions, head into the house, and come back out. Yep, carbon monoxide poisoning.

We were kicked out of the house for the night and our landlord showed up to find out where the leak was coming from. Eventually it was decided that our stove was the culprit. So, tonight we are getting a new stove for our apartment. They are not sure when this started, I am guessing a few weeks ago when I first started getting my migraines...but really it could be much much longer than this, who knows.

But, the slow and steady poisoning of my body has confused me into thinking I was pregnant - and that. is. not. cool.

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
4:59 pm - What can I say?
Here's the run down of a few things:

1.) I love only having to work 4 days a week, but I hate that I'm in the office for 2 hours after everyone else has left for the day...everyday, I guess it works out right though...lol.

2.) Justin had another interview, and has again decided the turn the job offer down. It's a good reason, they want him to work every weekend and every holiday until he has seniority...in roughly 10 years. But I'm getting pretty sick of his picky ways. This will be job offer #4, and frankly I am only putting on the 'supportive wife' attitude. In reality I want to smack him over the head and yell "what the hell already!"

3.) I feel fat, I have for awhile, and so I ate some celery and peanut butter. It didn't help, I still feel fat.

4.) I am exhausted. I barely crawled out of bed this morning. I don't belive I'm pregnant, so don't go there but it sucks that I need a nap during the day.

5.) I still haven't had my job title switched over, my supervisor is talking to the VP on friday about switching it all over. Man, I hope it goes through, I have no desire to run around trying to fill up shit for this grant that I don't believe in.

6.) Soon my autonimity at work will decrease as we (the independence office) are finally connected to the rest of the system. This really blows ass...I have a feeling my random searching of the internet with greatly decrease.

7.) Justin's grandma is doing better I suppose. Her health is fine, she just now refuses to get out of bed til 3pm and usually sleeps a lot.

8.) Mom told me Dad went and saw her house. He said that a lot has been done to it and that it's looking good. However, I called and asked how grandmas' house was (refering to his mom's house) and dad goes, "I don't know, I haven't been there!" hummmm

9.) Trent went to Hawaii and is home safe and sound. but now he wants to save up money to buy a house in Maui.

10.) I think I have put in enough time today, and I am heading home.

current mood: bored

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Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
9:43 am - Why is it like this?
Last night before I left work I got another migraine. That would be #3 in roughly that many weeks. Yesterday I called my doctor to see what the hell is going on...they haven't called me back yet, but they have Wednesdays off. So, I will patiently wait until tomorrow (hopefully I won't have another one tonight...that has happened before).

And in other news, I am getting sick. The thing with me when I get sick is I loose almost all of my control of my emotions, especially the one where I cry. So, I heard today that a co-workers mom isn't doing well and that they are making final preparations, I got teary eyed. I read dreamwriter55 entry, I got teary eyed. And unfortunately the only way to remedy my boughts of almost tears is to sleep...which will not be occuring while I am at work. I hate being sick.

current mood: sick

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Friday, September 15th, 2006
10:37 am - Some days are so DAMNED satisfying!
So far, these last 2 days have been 2 of the most satsifying days I've had in a long time. Strange how that works. Anyway, why was it. Do you remember last weekend where I helped Justins' cousin move and I decided right then and there I was going to spend some of my weekend cleaning out JUNK from my house? see, you are all smart, you know exactly where this is going.

1.) Yesterday at work I was so busy I started to multi-task. If any of you know me like I think you do, you realize that I multi-task very very poorly...it generally starts to scatter my mind and I end up taking longer on everything. But, I was busy, and busy days make me happy because a.) they go faster b.) I feel productive, and c.) they go faster.

2.) After I got home last night I got straight to work cleaning out my house *it was actually quite strange how detached I was from every single object in the house I just kept deeming more and more stuff garbage* First to go were the books. I gave away a whole garbage can worth of books ~ I'm not talking kitchen size can, I'm talking the ones you stick on the curb for the garbage man to pick up. There were cookbooks, and self improvement books, and novels, and fiction, and art books...it was just stuff I never ever looked at in the last 2 years. Just garbage. Then I tackled my art closet. I threw out every piece of art that I was not emotionally connected to. So, out went the sketch books from my first year and pictures I just kept cuz I took them and all my watercolors (I rather sucked at those) and it ended up being roughly 2 garbage cans worth of stuff. I also pulled out Justin's folks computer (cuz that's going as well, I just don't know where) and threw out paintbrushes (the ones people kept buying me cuz they knew I liked art and they may as well as saved their money because you can't buy a whole good brush set for $10, you can buy 2-3 pieces of the set with that.) Following that I attacked the clothes in our other closet. Justin had a huge sack of them just sitting on the floor and I had a drawerful that were to short and too small (donations) and that was another bag of crap that I donated as well. So, if you are totaling this up, I have thrown away roughly 4 HUGE garbage cans worth of junk (it was really probably close to 5)! And you know what, I'm happy about it, it's out of my house, out of my mind, it;s great.

3.) This morning after I woke up, watched Charmed, ate a breakfast cookie (from Quaker Oats YUMMY!) I actually went out and finished the errands. I took back my library books (before being overdue!) I gave the clothes away, and the books, I deposited Justin's check, and *this is the part you will all be excited about* I mailed out all those pictures that I've had that's just been sitting in my house taking up space! Yes, that means Lisa you'll be getting all your pictures back, and Nikki will be getting her my little ponies *oh, one of the tails is a little greasy I may have tried washing it, I don't remember* and everyone will be getting their pictures in hopefully 2 days! What am I going to do next you ask? Well, now that I have the closets cleaned out the dishes need to be done, the livingroom needs to be straightened (I tend to tear apart when I clean) and there is still exercising I should do (not really feeling it, perhaps I'll walk today) and I still have that pillow to finish stitching before Christmas and I need to shower and this evening I am going to Worlds of Fun with Tracy and the kids...and my honey.

So, why has this been satisfying? I feel like I have accomplished something ~ that I am throwing off shackles that have been holding me down. That, really, I'm starting to clean up my life for a much smoother straight sailing.

But, I'm reading too much into it. I just cleaned a damn house. BUT ITS CLEAN!!!!!!

current mood: accomplished

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Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
1:38 pm - It makes me all melty inside.
Last night instead of going to bed at 9 (like I should since 5 comes way too soon with 7 hours of sleep) I stayed up til 10 watching tv. Let me back track for a second. This whole week Justin has to be to work at 9, so that means he leaves our house at 8:30. This is all good, but I have discovered that I have a hard time going to sleep when Justin isn't in the livingroom watching tv. I'm sure it's just that I don't feel quite as safe without my "protector" between me and the only entrance to the house (the door is ALWAYS locked after he leaves) but what generally ends up happening is that I stay up for another hour or two past when I should go to sleep because I'm not tired enough yet to let my "guard" down and fall asleep. Which is stupid because even if I left my house unlocked, I'm sure no one would steal our stuff or come in because I have renters insurance and would thus be compenstated...right?

Anyway, back to the original idea of this post. So, I stayed up and watched one of my favorite shows, Medium. I haven't been able to see all of them because they air at 9pm ~ which generally sucks for me. Anyway I got to see a new one ~ again, haven't been able to see them all ~ and this one was just so sweet!

Ok, true, it was dealing with a murder (how many of those shows aren't?) but it was also looking at Alison and her life and whether she was happy about it or not. See (I will now provide the whole plot of last nights episode so please commence your boredom stare) Alison dreams of her Grandma and has a talk with her about this scar she got on her arm the last summer that she visited her grandma. The grandma (who like Alison dreams things) decides to change this by waking up early and taking the cookies out of the oven (which is what Alison burns her arm on ~ the oven, not the cookies.) By doing this, it changes so that Alison comes back the following summer and falls in love with John, marries him, and becomes a successful attorney. During this 'new life' it comes to light that Alison knows things (she dreams of dead people) but doesn't trust herself. At this point in her new life she is working on this murder case and needs an expert math witness. She calls in a professor at a local university who happens to be her husband in her 'old life.' During the time they are together Alison makes mention of him needing a new suit since his was 8 years old. the 'old' husband (yeah, I don't know his name...sorry) questions on how she knows this and tells her to trust her instinct. Alison sends him out the door nicely. Alsion then calls her 'new' husband and crys on the phone to him about why doesn't she trust her instincts. The 'new' husband basically tells her to get over it, suck it up, do your job, blah blah blah and pushes Alison off the phone. That night Alison dreams of the dead woman and the man on trial. She wakes up and her 'new' husband doesn't help her deal with what she is seeing. Alison wonders why he doesn't support her. Later on Alison has another meeting with her 'old' husband who only came in because he wanted to see her. Before he leaves he asks why she doesn't trust her instincts and also says, "They're right, all the cool ones are taken." He then leaves. Shortly after he leaves Alison runs after him to his home and knocks on the door. She babbles a whole bunch of things about following her instinct and it leading to him and so on and so forth. Her 'old' husband just stands in the house staring at her. Eventually she says, "You know what? Just forget the last 5 minutes" and walks away. About 1/2 way down the sidewalk her 'old' husband ran up to her and grabbed her and (this is the part where I get all gooey inside) pasionately kissed her. There was more to the story, but that was what I wanted to highlight.

But, I guess what it is that makes me all gooey is the thought that this story says that things are ment to happen. Alison and her 'real' husband were supposed to be together & were going to be either way and that just warms my little soul!

So, all day long I've been waiting to go home to my honey who I know I'm supposed to be with (my own sixth sense) and somehow this all just makes me feel that much more fulfilled with my life.

Perhaps tv does have more of an impact on a life then I previously imagined.

current mood: giddy

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Thursday, September 7th, 2006
1:56 pm
Well, we have a name for our company. It's "T & T Creative" Did I mention that? I don't remember.

Anyway, in the last couple of days I've been really bummed. I've been trying to talk myself into just living with my job - I will have a 3 day weekend every week! - but I don't know if I'll actually be able to do it.

Today before I met with a school counselor I thought of what it would be like to be a teacher. I thought about how I'd have 3 months off every summer (or roughly 3 months, the time is actually dwinding here in Mo...right now it's 2.5) and how I'd get paid and how I'd be done with work at like 3pm (although school starts at 7 which would suck) and then I realized... I have no desire to be a teacher. I just have a great desire to get a new job.

I just feel so stuck. Did I ever mention that I hate feeling stuck? Yeah, it's one of those things that drives me nuts and then I go a little crazy trying to alleviate the feeling of stuckness (new word, spread it around).

So, I don't know what to do. Part of me feels that I should just suck it up - that this job will give me more ambition on make my business a success and quit my job in 3 years (yeah, that's the goal). And part of me goes - why deal with something that you hate so much? And part of me goes - if I got pregnant, would Justin let me stay home with the kid? (no, he wouldn't, he's already told me that) I hate being confused on what path to take. I wish a huge neon pink like would shine at me that says "this way stupid!" with a big arrow and like a billion little arrows all pointing in the same direction like those Roadrunner cartoons.

Anyway, here's to the unknown, to the future, to something satisfying.

current mood: bummed

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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
11:15 am
I am so bummed right now. No i haven't heard anything about a job offer, or was denied a job. This morning I had another meeting over the FEC contract. I lobbied very hard for the grant to just be put to rest (like that'll make a difference, what I think) And then I thought about how I might actually be stuck at this job that I don't really like for another year, and now I'm bummed.

I don't know if it would make it any better if I didn't have to do the FEC grant, since I don't generally like our clients for the most part to begin with, but it would be really nice if I didn't have to do this job at all.

But today, instead of working (sicne I have none that needs to be worked on) I am assembling files. I did 12 in an hour. I'm pretty impressed with that, but I'm sure the file committee will send them all back to me with some mistake or another (honestly, EVERYONE who works here knows what the yellow sheet represents, WHY does it have to have the words on it?)

Anyway, I'm feeling bitchy. Oh, did I mention that I kinda chewed Bob out because of the FEC grant when I was lobbing for us to drop it? Oh, and I see the dentist today for 2 cavities to be filled. No new ones, just already covered got rotten again cavities. Ugh.

But in good news....wait, there is no good news right now...I am supposed to have a 4 star day. Maybe that's my good news.

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, July 31st, 2006
6:50 pm - I was happy, til Justin told me
Kaleb and my favorite cousin, Trisha, moved in together this last weekend. Then, Justin told me today after I got home that Kaleb died last night in a 1 car accident. I have nothing else to say now.

current mood: sad

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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
11:03 pm - Is this a trend?
I went to the grocery store tonight after I finished working out. Justin had forgotten to buy the ingredients (meat and tator tots) for our tator tot casserole tonight, and I said, I'll just grab it on the way home, no biggie.

While at the store, I realized I was very hungy, and bought 2 Yoplait Whips (yummy!) and thought, hummm, I'll get a bottle of wine for the weekend ~ you never know. So I have my little cart of 5 items and get in line. The woman immediately rings up my wine, and I tell her my birthdate. but of course, she has to see the number, so I flip open my wallet and point out it says 1980 down at the bottom. she then takes my wallet away from me and goes, "is that you?" And I reply, "yes." The picture on my drivers license is from 4 years ago when I weighed between 195 and 210, so it really doesn't look like me, I admit. so I said, "There's other pictures of me that look more like me and they have my name on them." And she stares at the picture and said, "you must have lost a lot of weight." And I replied, "Yes between 60 and 70 pounds from my highest." She then says, "Is that you?" And I said, "Yes. I have other ids in there that have a more recent picture of me and have my name on it." She then calls a co-worker over to look at my picture on my id. And after 2 seconds he says, "Yes, that's her. Look at the cheek bones." And she continues to stare at my picture. Then she says, "Are you sure?" And I respond, again, "I have other pictures of me in there with my name." And she says, "Oh, that would take up too much time." (I'd spent atleast 5 minutes trying to tell her it was me...yes, looking at another form of id would've taken up WAY too much time.) She then says, "Just trying to be careful." And I replied, "I understand, but that was very embarrassing. I had told you I had other forms of id. You did not need to call someone else over." And left.

current mood: irritated

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Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
10:27 am - Just some stuff on my mind

I called that company that I had 2 interviews with...and was told that they are doing 2 interviews tomorrow and 1 interview on Friday, but I am in the top 5!!!! After this week, they will be making their decision. So, everyone...positive beams to me please!


This morning I went and worked out with my trainer. It was so tough. I swear I still have all that sugar in my system from Monday where I ate 15 oreos, 1/2 a cheesecake (yummy!), and lots and lots of other food (too tired to stop eating)

After my workouts I have a small ritual. First I take out my shower supplies, next I take off my clothes. I then fold them and place them into the locker. Next I shove my gym bag in there (big bag, small locker) and lock it. After that I wrap my towel around me, walk to the showers. I pick a shower, put all my shower items in it on a stool (for more convient shaving), pull the curtain (to signify occupied), and head to the restroom (just off the showers.) I pee and once a week when I walk back to the showers I weigh myself. I have done this since November. It is just my habit, just like when I shower first I shave, then I wash my hair, then I wash my body. It's just how it is.

Today, on my walk back to the shower I walked in on this woman DRAGGING my stool out of the shower (all other showers were open) and I went, "Ma'am, that's my shower." She replied, "No one was in here." I replied, "That's my stuff that you pulled out of my shower." She replied, "But no one was in here." I said, "That's my stuff." She looked pissed and moved into the next shower.

Since when did shower etiquette fail?!


And, in sad news, Granny is not getting any better. Bette said that she thinks that Granny doesn't want to get better. So, that's the news with that.


And a final thought for this post. I have (basically) gotten housing all wrapped up for when I have a job offered to me over by Platte City. I will be (after I get conformation but basically have it now) living with Tracy's mother and father-in-law until September at which point I'll be moving into the house owned by my friend Joey who currently is living with his girlfriend. I can't move in sooner because he needs to do some renovations and will not be able to get to them until September.

So, for my future...

current mood: hopeful

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